Piss off...

Thursday, December 08, 2005

No one here gets out alive

I got stuck in the car wash this morning.

Trapped, really. I go to one o' them touchless auto wash dealies in the winter. Drive in, let the jets do the work, drive out, life is swell. I pulled in today, went through the wash. The green "Forward" arrow came on, and with it the piercing beep of the end of the wash.

And the door didn't open.

The green "Forward" arrow came on again, and with it the piercing beep of the end of the wash. And the door didn't open.

The green "Forward"...

As I sat there, my incessant honking adding to the cacophany, I was struck by several thoughts, not the least of which being "I'm stuck in a car wash." Not bad. That line ranks up with John Candy's "We're in a truck!" from the Blues Brothers. Continuing my Hollywood jag, I saw my situation straight out of Spinal Tap, when the cocoon wouldn't open. It ocured to me to get out and try to open the door myself. This thought was quickly thwarted by the thought that the instant I gout out of the car, the door behind me would have opened, the next car would pull up and I would either be crunched between car and (unopened) door or caught in the middle of a scalding car wash. I briefly thought of the cop trying to keep a straight face while telling my wife that I had died trapped in a car wash. I thought of my dead sea monkeys...

I was stuck for at least five minutes. Seemed like a hell of a lot longer.

Note to Natalie Cole. Just between you and me, okay? Would you please, please, pretty-pretty-pretty pleeeaaasssseeee never do another duet with your dead father ever again? Please? It's ghoulish, is what it is. Tacky, unnerving and painful come to mind. And I love your father, and I want to hear his originals untainted. M'kay? Can't we all just get along on this one? Okay, thanks. Call me, babe. We'll do lunch.

We're getting a shitload of snow tomorrow, and I'm driving into work. I'll post updates, hopefully not after driving into a ditch or telephone pole...


Blogger cold blooded said...


10:23 PM


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