59 Times The Pain

Sad, Depressed, Physically, Mentally and Emotionally Exhausted...that's me.

Hi.

I'm not allowing myself to spiral into the depths that I've lately "enjoyed", and I still have zero desire to drink. But the weight of maintaining myself is seriously getting to me. Hypersensitivity, fear of my words and my control over them, fear of hurting, fear of being misunderstood. Nothing new, really, I've been fighting these demons my whole life. But it's way more pronounced now as body and brain go through the detox and reprogramming process. Some days, like today, it's all I can do to drag myself out of bed, go through the motions and not give in to the paralyzing fear that I'm not going to make it. I would never hurt myself or anyone else, but I'm so afraid of interacting with anyone, lest I say
something that might possibly be misconstrued as hurtful. And yet I need to be surrounded by my kind, loving, caring friends more than ever now. And I
need to vent, but I don't want to come off like a whining, panty-wearing oh-so-sensitive darling. Where the hell is the balance in life? Where am i?

Am I doing okay? Am I okay? Will I be?