Tired

Eastern Prom, Portland, car windows open to the Atlantic in spite of a few drops. Got an hour plus until meeting my addiction counselor. Figured I'd come here and try to clear my head, since going to a bar would kinda not be such a hot idea.

I. Am. So. Tired. Tired of trying to stay looking forward. Tired of sneaking looks backwards at all my shame. Tired of trying so desperately hard to be better. Tired of hoping that people may realize that I'm not a total flake. Tired of trying. I have no patience right now, and I just want to be at zero. Back to "normal." Not struggling and feeling miserable.

But I have a long way to go before this agony gets better...