Piss off...

Sunday, October 02, 2011

Feeling Good is Good Enough

37 days clean. And I'm finally getting a bit of clarity with distance, and finally putting a period on one chapter of a life.

First of all, I am so incredibly fortunate on so many levels. Fortunate to have such a great support system in place. Fortunate to have insurance and a spectacular counselor. Fortunate to have this great self-awareness that I've always had that allowed me to as usual check myself out, be honest with myself and then get to work on fixing myself. Fortunate that I was able to take all these steps and that the worst my rock-bottom got was a crash of confidence and a shit-ton of embarrassment, rather than tickets, arrests or deaths.

Fortunate to be here typing this and looking on.

I'm starting to look better: not nearly as bloated as I was. And I'm starting to feel better: confidence coming back, no issues with my recovery, no desire to go back. I was around no shortage of my favorite cheap plonk in a social setting last night: normally a recipe for extreme coping for me. Not a drop, and I did fine. There are two Shipyard Pumpkinheads in the fridge: one of my favorite autumn tastes ever. I bought 'em for the wife and have no desire to crack one. Head is reprogramming, body is reprogramming. Spirit is a work in progress. But still...

It feels really good to feel kinda good after feeling so bad for so long.


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